Has a colleague, boss or loved one told you that you need anger management?

Has a colleague, boss or loved one ever told you that you need anger management?

  • Do you ever have angry outbursts? Or, do you get angry and keep your feelings inside?
  • Have friends, family members or colleagues told that you have a “short fuse” or “bad temper”?
  • Do you often realize later that your anger was out of proportion to a given situation?
  • Have you found yourself in a rage over something minor?
  • Do you stay angry for days after an upsetting event?
  • Do you wish you could be able to feel and express anger in a healthy manner?

Maybe no matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to control your angry reactions. Maybe someone cut you off in traffic or pushed in front of you in line, and you flew into a rage. Perhaps that slow cashier just brought you to the boiling point. You may even look back later and realize that your reaction was out of proportion to the event. Yet, in the moment, you are powerless to stop it. The frequent angry reactions can lead to physical symptoms, such as headaches, digestive issues, high blood pressure, heart disease and other health concerns.

Or, maybe when you get angry, rather than act out, you suppress your emotions. Perhaps in your childhood, you were taught that being angry is not ok. Maybe when you have disagreements with people, you decide it is best to keep your feelings to yourself so as not to upset anyone. Suppressing negative and intense emotions can create other issues, such as anxiety or depression.

Being unable to express anger in a healthy way – whether you react with outbursts or repression – can cause problems in every aspect of your life. Your personal relationships may suffer. Or, you may experience difficulties getting along with your colleagues or even keeping your job. Regardless of the way anger manifests itself in your life, you may be feeling at loss as to how to deal with it.

You can change this, if you seek help.

ANGER IS A NORMAL, HEALTHY EMOTION

Everyone experiences anger.

Situations that set off angry outbursts also trigger the fight/flight response. This response is designed to help the body respond to the threat your mind perceives. As you experience the fight/flight response, a physiological chain reaction automatically begins in the body. Adrenalin releases, the heart rate increases, blood flow diverts to muscles, along with many other changes that take place to prepare the body to defend itself. However, you may be experiencing this intense physical and emotional reaction when danger is not actually present. The continual arousal you experience from getting angry is not good for your emotional or physical well-being.

Anger can however, be a positive force. It can motivate us to make positive changes in ourselves or our society. It can help us to improve the lives of mistreated people or animals. But, anger becomes a problem when you lose control and are unable to be rational or reasonable. It can impact every aspect of your life, from your physical health to your ability to resolve conflict with your loved ones and colleagues. Angry outbursts can even lead to legal trouble. Thankfully, anger therapy can help you get back in control of your reactions.

Most people get angry due to a sense of relative weakness.  A sense that you need to become aggressive in order to protect ourselves or someone else or something.  Our evaluation that the threat appears greater than our capacity to manage it without getting angry. But in reality most of us with anger problems more commonly get angry because things just didn’t go our way.  We are just disappointed but we feel angry.  This can be very harmful as it is ultimately self-destructive.

Q: Ego protection is built in through millions of years of evolution . So are we justified in getting angry if it is undermined or threatened?

A: Yes and No.  If your self esteem is low you can’t help it.  If it’s very low you are more likely to feel sadness rather than anger.  But if your self esteem is high, you might just be able to shrug it off, see the funny-side as maybe it was meant or ignore it as irrelevant.

When you experience a frustrating event and say or do nothing and it persists, this can gradually annoy you so much that you begin to get angry.  Why not say something early on, while you are calm, to avoid the situation escalating to a flashpoint of anger.  Calmness  is when you remain in control.  It shows your strength not your weakness.

ANGER THERAPY CAN HELP YOU FIND LONG-TERM HEALING AND RELIEF

Anger therapy can help you have healthy responses to upsetting situation, maintain better relationships and improve your overall health. Together, we will find out what is at the root of your anger and heal it there. This therapy is more than anger management. Rather than simply developing tools to manage negative feelings, it offers a way to get to the root cause and to resolve it.

When people get angry, they usually feel it in their body. They may have tightness in their chest, a stomachache or physical tension. During therapy, I will help you to focus in on the physical feeling of anger in your body. The inappropriate angry reactions you experience today are often connected to situations when you felt angry in the past. We will use that feeling to track you back to the root of the anger problem. While it started at the root, it appeared again in other events. What typically happens is that these triggering events, starting with the root cause, get connected together and an “anger chain” develops. When something distressing happens in the present day, you react with all of the negative emotion that you have carried or “chained together” over the years.

Once at the root cause, we can do the work necessary bring healing to your upsetting memory. Remember, anger can be a normal, healthy reaction. It can protect us. So therapy is not about taking away your ability to feel anger or a method of controlled anger management. Rather, it can offer you a way to release all of the old anger from the past. One of my clients described the process as a way for him to empty the rocks that he had been carrying in his backpack. He felt like a weight had literally been lifted.

One of my clients told me that she found that little things that used to cause her to “fly off the handle” no longer did. She told me her husband even commented on how different her reactions had become. She reported that their relationship had grown closer and that her husband said he felt like he was able to feel more relaxed around herYou, too, can feel greater balance and peace as you go about your day. With the help and support, you can heal the wounds anger has left in your life.

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